CJ

Writer's Block: What if calories didn't count?

aurora96@comcast.net — Fri, 18 Sep 2009 14:47:03 GMT

If a magic genie told you your calories wouldn't count for 24 hours, would it change what and how much you ate that day?

View 1265 Answers

I started my first diet in 1976. I was 11 years old.

Weight Watchers. Low carb. Calorie restriction. High carb. Low fat. No fat. Slimfast. More Weight Watchers. The Banana diet. Diet pills. The "Eat Only Half of What's on your Plate" diet. South Beach. Atkins. Weight Watchers again.

The compliments and approval during the early days of each new diet were intoxicating. Was I dropping weight or was it my newfound belief that I was better than all of those other fatties who had no control whatsoever that people noticed? I can't be certain but I soaked it up and beamed with misplaced confidence that this time would be the time I would succeed. I would shed those pounds forever.

But diets don't work, not for the majority of us, and as I inevitably grew weary of drinking my meals or viewing the world of food through the filter of points and the pounds came back. And my body, hoping to brace itself against the next cycle of deprivation, got a little larger than it was before the madness started.

I started my first diet in 1976. I weighed approximately 126 pounds.

Today, in 2009, I weigh 265 pounds. It doesn't make me uncomfortable to share that with you. It's a number. It is not who I am. I've maintained that approximate number since normalizing after the birth of my child. I've grown to love myself enough to give up dieting forever. I do what I can to make sensible choices for my body and my spirit.

So if a genie were to come along and tell me that for 24 hours calories didn't count, I'd laugh heartily and go forward, choosing the same things I would have chosen if calories did count. I'm off that merry-go-round and not even a calorie free day could convince me to get back on.

Funny how the universe works sometimes...

aurora96@comcast.net — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 12:19:27 GMT

My doctor has been repeatedly reminding me that exercise is essential in the management of my health. Every time I go in, she asks, "So, are you getting some exercise?" and I hmmmm and ahhhh and spit it out that I'm not really getting any. She nods, very understanding, but reminds me that I would see some real results from getting off my ass and moving it. (She doesn't put it quite that way, but close enough.)

So I got a dog. Walking is good, right? Except Wonton didn't want to walk. Hated it, in fact. Mike would call it "going for a pull" because that's what it was. Now Wonton meanders around my mother's backyard at a snail's pace but is quite content.

Sasser had all the energy that Wonton was lacking. Loves walking. And we've found she has one little quirk that I swear is the cosmic joke on me - she won't poop in the backyard. She'll only poop while out on walks or in the house. So, if I don't want the dog to crap on my carpet, out we go. Twice a day. Rain or shine. I wonder if my doctor had anything to do with this????

I'm looking forward to my next doctor's visit. :)

Good news/Bad news

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 14:30:14 GMT

Always seems to come together, right? I always ask for the bad news first. I prefer leaving the conversation on a positive note.

So, the bad news is that Wonton's revival was short lived. Mom is having the same problems with her that we had here at home. Mom has purchased a warming bed and hopes that will help a bit. But her vet, who she discussed the situation with, pondered out loud if we were dealing with a neurological condition. (After some research I found information on a condition called Degenerative Myelopathy which sounds like Wonton. It's just impossible to tell without $$$$ in tests which none of us have.) Mom is taking her in and will see if there's anything her vet feels can be done.

In the meantime, we began looking for another dog. We went into it with the thought that Wonton may at some point come home. So, we looked for a younger dog (around a year) who was a bit more energetic, liked to play and was okay with dogs, cats and kids. And I preferred short hair. And we wanted a medium sized dog. *grins* We weren't being too picky, were we?

Rachel and I began to make a round of the local shelters. The next day we brought Mike back to one of the shelters to meet some dogs. After meeting a few different dogs, we decided to begin a "courtship" with Sasser: http://www.petfinder.com/petnote/displaypet.cgi?petid=13643712 If you get a chance, look at the close-up of the face. :)

After conducting a cat test and spending some more time with her, we decided that Sasser was the one. We put in an application and were accepted. We bring her home on Monday.

So, it's a bittersweet time. Mom is willing to work with Wonton until it's no longer practical for a 63 year old woman to haul a 55 pound dog outside. I am insistent that I be there when it is time to euthanize her. I'm sad that things aren't going better for her - I had such high hopes when we first brought her to Mom's house. And I do feel a little disloyal that we've moved on with bringing another animal into the house. At the same time, I'm thrilled at the thought of having a dog that likes to walk and run and play with us. I'm looking forward to training her and being her forever home.

Did I mention I put in an application to volunteer at the shelter? In for a penny... :)

In every cloud a silver lining...

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:17:43 GMT

The story begins with bringing Wonton to New York. For a variety of reasons, I wanted the dog here with us.

On Wednesday, I intended to call the vet to make the appointment to have the dog put down. That got delayed when I got the phone call about my father dying. I even joked, "Well, Wonton, you've gotten a reprieve."

As most of you know, Mom has been caring for my father for years. It's gotten particularly intense during the last year as he has not been able to be alone at all. I'm sure you all see where this is going.

Within 24 hours of the dog being at her house, Mom took Wonton on as her personal charge. She's been massaging and exercising her limbs. She's been carefully monitoring her medications to see if a slightly higher dose of the pain med would be helpful. She upped her dose of glucosamine. She's been getting her outside (in her fenced in yard) and letting her spend time in the sun warming herself. It's like boot camp for special needs dogs. (Mom has taken in other dogs with special needs and has some experience.)

For her part, I've never seen Wonton so active and, well, happy. She is like the queen of all she surveys. She suns herself for a bit, gets up, moves to a new spot, suns herself some more. This morning she took off running after a cat in the backyard - moving faster than anyone has ever seen before. She gets along very well with JR, my father's cocker spaniel. Even JR, who has been moping around since my father's death, perked up and is more active with Wonton around.

Can anyone say kismet?

This morning really sealed the deal. I woke up and saw my mother hugging Wonton and giving her kisses. My sister looked at me and said, "We're not bringing your dog home."

She's already home.

To new parents

aurora96@comcast.net — Tue, 12 May 2009 23:58:00 GMT

I'm sitting at my computer, refreshing Facebook to get updates on my dear friends J & M. They're having their first child, you see, and it appears that J is in labor. I can't help but think back to my own labor and delivery. Almost 8 years ago I was there, wondering if I was truly ready and knowing there was no longer a choice - our bundle of joy was on the way.

So, for folks who are parents, or who have observed parents, or have had parents, what advice would you give to new parents?

Here's a few things on my mind right now.

- Don't let anyone convince you that you're not a good parent. Follow your own heart. Opinions are like assholes - everyone has one and some of them really stink. People will second guess you and even complete strangers won't be shy about telling you that they think you're doing it wrong.

- Go ahead. Sniff that baby. There's nothing like new baby smell.

- Don't adjust the volume of things in the house because the baby is sleeping. Let the baby get used to the normal volume of your household. You won't have to worry about the baby sleeping when you decide it's time to go back to normal. :)

- Everyone will tell you when you first get home to "sleep when the baby sleeps". It's actually good advice. I found it near impossible to do because I wanted to use that time to get things done.

- Most of all, have fun. Yes, you're going to worry about everything. It's okay.

What would other folks add?

ETA: 5/13/08, 8 a.m. - She's at 9 cm now. Any time now!

ETA: Master MRT was born at 10:48 a.m. Everyone is doing fine. I will go meet him in person tomorrow. :)

Free Comic Book Day!

aurora96@comcast.net — Sat, 02 May 2009 11:23:34 GMT

Big day today at Little Fish Comics - it's FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! And it's exactly what it sounds like - we give away free comics. This year we've decided to go all out and have a comic book artist coming in as well as a roving storm trooper. Balloons, sales, and door prizes round out the festivities.

So, if you're in the Fredericksburg area, come on by the store. If not, just think good thoughts for us today. It's going to be WILD!

Introducing... WONTON

aurora96@comcast.net — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 00:18:47 GMT

She went to the vet yesterday and the news was mixed. Apparently Wonton broke her left leg when she was a puppy and never received medical attention. When her leg healed, it fused the carpal bones together. Apparently there was some damage to the humorus as well because she's got a pretty bad case of arthritis. The initial blood work that had me scared all day - words like "cancer" and "very sick" stuck inside my head and wouldn't go away no matter how much work I tried to do - was wrong. She's fine. Well, except for some worms which I don't think is unusual. Medication for 5 days and she'll be tip top.

We don't know much about Wonton's story. She was found wandering the streets. Someone at PetSmart took a look at her and said, "Wow, a foxhound!" I looked it up and it appears that she is indeed a foxhound - a pack hunting dog who's good with kids and prefers to be outdoors. Except she doesn't like to be outdoors. Someone else said, "Oh, a foxhound! They love to bay and bay. Noisy dogs!" Except we've only heard her bark/bay once - when she was trying to convince the cats to come play. My theory is that she was meant to be a hunting dog. Then she broke her leg and didn't like to run. She preferred to be comfortably on a couch. And that made her not worth keeping as a hunting dog. So she wandered the streets, eating from trash cans, until the Orange County Humane Society picked her up. She was there for 3 months before she came home with us. And now this is her life...

A comfy, warm couch. People who really like her. Meals she doesn't have to scrounge for. I'm not sure about her past. I do know her future will be full of love and treats. And a few toys if we can find ones she likes.

And now for something completely different...

aurora96@comcast.net — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 20:45:30 GMT

We got a dog. Yes, a dog. 3 year old Wonton came to us from the Orange County Humane Society. She had been found wandering the streets and was at the shelter for 3 months before we adopted her. The Bean is over the moon. I'm remembering what it's like to be a new parent - when the baby needs something at 4 a.m. (in this case, a walk) you get up and do it. *yawn*

Still, it's pretty darned cool. :)

Will post pictures as soon as I get a chance!

They grow up so fast...

aurora96@comcast.net — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:17:37 GMT

So apparently my 7 year old was telling the other 7 year olds in her Girl Scout troop about french kissing.

"I've done it with my doll," she told the girls who weren't quite sure what french kissing was but were interested nonetheless.

"Uhm... honey, let's not talk about that right now," the adult chaperone in the car asked, practically begged.

I wasn't there. I got the scoop when the chaperone dropped her off tonight. The following conversation ensued:

"Bean, where did you hear about french kissing?"

"Uhm... why mommy?"

"I'm just curious. Where did you hear about it?"

Long pause. "In my class."

"Do you know what french kissing is?"

"Sure. It's kissing with a little bit of tongue action."

Who needs to watch comedians? ;)

How do you deal with well-meaning spam forwarders?

aurora96@comcast.net — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 18:14:07 GMT

I'm curious how other folks deal with stuff like this.

A woman I used to work with often sends me "helpful" emails that have been forwarded to her. She means well. The latest one is a cancer update from Johns Hopkins with fun stuff like "sugar feeds cancer" and "milk feeds cancer" pearls of wisdom. Except it's all complete crap and Johns Hopkins has completely disavowed the information in it.

Do I ignore it and just put it down to good intentions?

Do I point out to her that it's not true?

Is there a gentle way to tell someone that everything they send can be easily double checked at places like SNOPES or urbanlegends.about.com before sending?

Adventures in Parenting

aurora96@comcast.net — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:09:22 GMT

Today was pajama day. I swear my kid would wear pajamas to school every day if I let her.

I've decided that my two least favorite utterances from my sweet daughter's lips are anything that begins with "But, mommy..." and "Just a second..." I understand she's trying to assert her independence and control over situations. I understand she's developing her identity and that this is part of the parent/child relationship. But when I'm ready to walk out the door, have given her all manner of warnings, and I hear, "Just a second Mommy" followed by "But, mommy, I need to find my DS!" I want to lose my mind.

Anyone else want to chime in? What drives you batshit insane with your kids/nieces/nephews/friend's kids?

Happy New Year!

aurora96@comcast.net — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 00:27:55 GMT

2009. Wow.

Had a nice quiet New Year's Eve. Have spent New Year's day either being completely lazy or getting a huge amount done. Spent the morning laughing with my family and listening to them play RockBand. Am now relaxing at our local Panera while the Bean munches on one of her personal favorites - broccoli and cheddar soup. I'm sipping coffee (oddly, the first of the day) and I'm happy to say the new year has gotten off to a beautiful start.

Laughter. I didn't realize how much I'd missed it until I started laughing again. Here's to lots more laughter in 2009.

Peace and love to you, my friends.

Happy Thanksgiving!

aurora96@comcast.net — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 17:52:13 GMT

So, the dishes I was responsible for are prepared and now I just have to jump in the shower before heading over to my sister's to celebrate the holiday. She's an amazing cook so I'm looking forward to the feast.

I think my favorite part of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning (other than Santa's arrival) was the inclusion of Rick Astley. His 1987 hit, Never Gonna Give You Up, has, of course, become part of internet lore as the "rickrolling" phenomenon. You could see it in his face - he thought it hilarious that he was up there singing his 21 year old hit in a parade featuring such current stars as Miley Cyrus and Amanda Cosgrove. It looked like he was about to break into laughter the whole time.

Good for you, Rick. I enjoyed your music back then and still love it now.

Well, the shower beckons. To all those celebrating, may you have a peaceful and joyous day. To those who aren't... may you also have a peaceful and joyous day.

VIRGINIA GOES BLUE!!!

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 04:46:49 GMT

Congratulations President Elect Obama!

What a night.

Leave my marriage out of your bigotry!

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:37:28 GMT

Copy this sentence into your livejournal if you're in a heterosexual marriage, and you don't want it "protected" by the bigots who think that gay marriage hurts it somehow.

~~~~~

So, gays marrying impacts my marriage... how again? My marriage is between me and my husband. We love and fight and work and raise our kid together as every couple should have the right to do.

Good luck to those who are fighting against Proposition 8 in California and to all those across this country of ours who are fighting to make it possible for all people to be able to say "I do" to those they want to spend their lives with.

Attention Virginia Voters

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 02:03:02 GMT

*sigh* It's getting ugly out there, folks. With one week to go, desperation takes over and no tactic is too slimy or underhanded to be tried.

There is only ONE election day. Tuesday, November 4. There is no election day for republicans and a different election day for democrats as posted in a recent flyer in the Hampton Roads area.

University students can, by law, vote where they go to school. People who try to tell you that you'll lose scholarships or that there will be police at the polling places looking to arrest people for outstanding tickets, etc. are lying.

This is called voter suppression. Go and vote. You'll be glad you did.

In Praise of Eloquence and Drain Snakes

aurora96@comcast.net — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:53:45 GMT

I know. Stick with me here - it's what's on my mind this morning.

During a rather enthusiastic refrigerator clean-out, I got overzealous and dumped a bunch of stuff down the kitchen sink disposal unit. Apparently one should never shove leftover mashed potatoes, whole grain angel hair pasta and peas down a disposal unit at the same time. The drain didn't like it - not one bit. Next thing you know I've got nasty water in both sinks and the plunger is only pushing the water between the two sinks and out the dishwasher overflow (when one sink is plugged). In my next brilliant move, I put Draino down the sink to clear the clog. It doesn't.

Something important that I don't think most people know about me - I don't handle home repair problems well. Someone calls me and tells me there's a fire in one of my residence halls or one of my students has seriously injured themselves with a refrigerator (it's happened), I'm cool as a cucumber. I can take charge, make sure everyone has a job and bring things to a calm and reasoned conclusion. At home, it's as if all my brain cells have suddenly decided it's more important to review those Partridge Family lyrics and all I get is a busy signal when I try to access that calm, reasonable brain. What the hell do I do now???? Oh no, I'm going to have to spend money on a PLUMBER!! WHY ME, OH GODDESS, WHY ME??? DOOMED! WE'RE DOOMED!

Ahem.

Fortunately my sister was with me and after playing with the sink some (and assuring me that it wasn't me - it was well and truly clogged) told me she'd loan me her drain snake. It couldn't hurt, right?

So, like any geek who has no idea how to use something, I go to the internet. I print out detailed instructions on utilizing the drain snake. I get gloves, eye protection. I change into clothes I don't mind getting messy. I'm ready. It's me against the clog.

It was slow going at first - my brother related a story of the last time he used a drain snake the ended up puncturing a rotted pipe so I was being cautious - and then a POP and the satisfying sound of water draining. It was over. The clog was dead. I reveled in the notion that I wasn't helpless. I had used a simple (but amazing!) tool to resolve the issue. I was victorious. I was Rocky running up the stairs of the Philadelphia Museum of Art! I was....

So, yeah.... drain snake. Wonderful thing. Now maybe I can use some of that exuberance to clean up the dishes that ended up sitting on the counter waiting for the clog resolution.

Now, I've never been called eloquent. I like to think that I'm well-spoken and I can do a mean speech with proper preparation. But in real life, I tend to splutter and forget words and sound downright stilted when I'm trying to make a point. I appreciate eloquence. Which is why I found it so maddening last night to hear John McCain refer to Barack Obama's eloquence like it was a bad thing. (I'm not even getting into the fact that I believe it to be a racist dog whistle if ever there was one and John McCain knows it. I do not believe he is stupid.) A number of pundits afterwards talked about Obama's performance as "professorial" and "too cerebral". Has everyone in this nation lost their minds?

I am not a "hockey mom" and my husband is not "Joe SixPack." We do not know "Joe the Plumber" and we don't really drink beer. I don't choose candidates based on whether they can shoot a basketball or bowl. I want to believe - NEED to believe - that the people we choose to lead us are smarter than I am. That they are more eloquent than I am. That they can sit across the table from a world leader and craft the words they use in such a way as to garner their respect and cooperation. I want someone who understands it's not appropriate to walk up behind another world leader and give her a back rub without his/her handlers having to explain WHY it's not appropriate. I need someone who can see the bigger picture of this world mess and lead with confidence and calm. I want someone who is eloquent, professorial and cerebral. And I don't think I'm alone here. So please stop asking us who we would rather have a beer with or who is more like us. These people who run for office - as wonderful or scary as they may be - are nothing like ME. And most of the time, that's as it should be.

The End of the World (as I know it)

aurora96@comcast.net — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 23:37:08 GMT

That's right, folks. The world has ended. I'm throwing in the towel.

Lane Bryant has discontinued my bras.

I've worn these very same bras for years. YEARS. And then some pinhead over at corporate decides what, the bras aren't profitable? At what you charged for each of those things? Maybe they weren't pretty enough for some people? I WANT MY BRAS BACK.

And then to add insult to injury, as if it wasn't bad enough that now I have to try to find a stinking underwire bra that doesn't make me want to just go braless, sagging boobs be damned, they don't have any of the damnable things in my size. They only carry up to 44 in most bras. Some of them have 46s. All 48s have to be ordered. So, I have to pay for the bra first before seeing if it really fits.

I'M NOT HAPPY.

So, anyone got any suggestions on where to be a nice, supportive bra in 48DD that doesn't involve a torture wire?

Supreme Court Meme

aurora96@comcast.net — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 16:22:34 GMT

Snagged from all over... but most recently by me from Measi

As was demonstrated in an interview with Katie Couric, Sarah Palin is unable to name any Supreme Court Case other than Roe v. Wade.

The Rules: Post info about ONE Supreme Court decision, modern or historic, to your lj. (Any decision, as long as it's not Roe v. Wade.) For those who see this on your f-list, take the meme to your OWN lj to spread the fun.

Let's go one year into the future from Roe for the landmark decision of United States v. Nixon (1974). From wikipedia:

Archibald Cox, the first special prosecutor in the Watergate case, obtained a subpoena to obtain documentation of meetings held in President Nixon's offices, related to the Watergate break-ins and subsequent coverup. Cox's successor, Leon Jaworski, subsequently pursued that subpoena, and Nixon refused access to the tapes and as justification claimed their confidentiality was protected by executive privilege. Jaworski sought further court orders, and the Supreme Court accepted the case. The White House stated that Nixon would abide by "a definitive order" by the court.

The unanimous decision held that the Supreme Court has not only the power established in Marbury v. Madison to rule a law invalid for conflicting with constitutional provisions but also power to decide how the Constitution limits the President's powers; that the Constitution provides for laws enforceable on a president; and that executive privilege does not apply to "demonstrably relevant" evidence in criminal cases.

Relevance: The Supreme Court does have the final voice in determining constitutional questions; no person, not even the President of the United States, is completely above law; and the president cannot use executive privilege as an excuse to withhold evidence that is 'demonstrably relevant in a criminal trial.'

*Edited to add: I do find it interesting that Governor Palin could not at least name Exxon Shipping Co. v Baker, a recent (June, 2008) Supreme Court decision that reduced the amount of money that Exxon owed to Alaskans due to the Valdez spill. It was part of Alaskan politics and, if MSNBC is correct, she issued a statement regarding her disappointment in the decision. In fairness to Gov. Palin, the question was were there any other Supreme Court decisions she disagreed with. For those who did not see her response, she gave a very general answer about any court decision that should be left up to the states is one she disagrees with. I recognize it's not always possible to remember exact names, but if she had said, "The recent decision to reduce the monetary award to hard working Alaskans who found themselves in trouble after the Exxon Valdez oil spill was a disappointment..." Even if it goes contrary to Republican party line regarding responsibility of big business, no one would have faulted her for fighting for those in her state.

Wait... is my LJ getting political again? ;)

Some quick photos from Vegas

aurora96@comcast.net — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:08:24 GMT

The Excalibur Hotel and Casino. We stayed here - it sounded fun. It was okay. The view of the strip was well worth the upgraded room.
We'll stay someplace else next time! (Probably the far more romantic Paris Hotel.)

Mike and I ate the Ah Sin - all you can eat sushi rolls. Yum!
This was the second Japanese restaurant we ate at while in Vegas and by far, the one that more suited our style.
The other was the Shibuya and was a bit fancy for us!
www.mgmgrand.com/dining/shibuya-japanese-restaurant.aspx

My absolute favorite picture of Mike from the vacation.
After ten years, he still has the ability to make my heart skip a beat.

Home again, home again...

aurora96@comcast.net — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:23:23 GMT

Has it really been a week already???

So, to bring you up to speed - we made it to Vegas. By the time our flight left, the storm had come and gone and presented no trouble whatsoever to us. We arrived at Las Vegas McCarran airport at approximately 8:30 p.m. PST. First impression? It was loud. And bright. And freaking hot. (100 degrees at 8:30 at night!!!!) And there were slot machines right when you stepped off the plane. Welcome to Vegas!! Ready to lose your shirt? :)

I'll post more with pictures in a few days. I'm pretty exhausted at the moment and I'm not certain I can put words together coherently. Let me just say that it is just what Mike and I needed. It was wonderful, affirming and just plain fun. We laughed and walked and walked and talked and did I mention we walked? I think it may take a few days for us to recover.

It's good to be home - I missed the Bean and my own bed. And yet... I am sad it's over.

It's a fair bet that we'll go back to Las Vegas some day.

Vegas, Baby!

aurora96@comcast.net — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 14:00:11 GMT

For the first time since our daughter was born, Kidcanuck and I are going on vacation. Together. Without child. Without other adults along. Just the two of us.

I see the crystal raindrops fall
And see the beauty of it all
Is when the sun comes shining through
To make those rainbows in my mind
When I think of you some time
And I want to spend some time with you

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
Just the two of us
Building castles in the sky
Just the two of us
You and I

We've never been to Vegas before. I've heard it's hot and loud and bright. I've seen quotes that it's what heaven must look like at night and how God would have done it "if he'd had money." (Thanks, Steve Wynn.) My boss can't stand the place. A few other people react with glee and excitement when I say we're going.

It doesn't matter if Vegas is heaven or hell. For the first time in over eight years, I'm spending vacation time with my husband. Together. Alone.

The latest advertising campaign for "Sin City" really hit its mark. Many people I told about our trip joked with a nudge and a wink, "What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas!" That may be true for many people and definitely for certain elements of our time together, however, as we celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary by renewing our vows in the Excalibur Wedding Chapel, I know it's something that will return with us to our crazy hectic daily lives and will remain as a source of strength and joy for us. We've decided to skip a big to-do (that I had considered) and celebrate this occasion together - just the two of us.

Now we just have to get there.

We've decided to take our chances with tropical storm Hanna. The airlines offered to change our flight to another day or time. We figured, what's a little rain and wind? If we get delayed or have to take another flight, we're still on our way. Together.

We look for love, no time for tears
Wasted waters's all that is
And it don't make no flowers grow
Good things might come to those who wait
Not to those who wait to late
We got to go for all we know

So we'll be incommunicado for a few days. I'm not bringing my computer - I spend enough time on this thing every day of my life. This is our vacation.

I hear the crystal raindrops fall
On the window down the hall
And it becomes the morning dew
Darling, when the morning comes
And I see the morning sun
I want to be the one with you

Just the two of us
We can make it if we try
Just the two of us
Just the two of us
Building big castles way on high
Just the two of us
You and I

Update

aurora96@comcast.net — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:50:24 GMT

I'm home. : ) I got back yesterday around dinner time.

Bean's coming home tomorrow. I still haven't done anything with her room. (It's an absolute mess but you can't completely blame her - I haven't really helped much!)

My sister has found a place here in Fred Vegas and will be moving mid-August. YAY! I have to admit I have yard envy. Her front and back yards are GORGEOUS.

I still haven't seen all of Dark Knight. I wonder if I can convince KidC to go tonight.

I think that's it for now!

On recognizing that I'm no longer 20

aurora96@comcast.net — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:43:37 GMT

Had a great night with Kidcanuck. Went to dinner, went to Borders, went to midnight showing of The Dark Knight. Theatre incompetence ensues, adding approximately 40 minutes to an already lengthy movie. Get home around 3:45 a.m. Take medicine, feed cats. Go to bed at 4. Alarm rings at 8.

My body hates me for this.

I'm in the midst of sucking down coffee but I'm in poor shape. Every now and again I'm reminded that I'm not as young as I think I am. I could do this kind of schedule for a week straight when I was younger.

Movie (even with the chunks we missed - long story) was wonderful. I was really looking forward to this one and I wasn't disappointed. It was also fun to run into so many of the store customers in line.

I think I'll find time later to take a nap. :)

But do you miss her?

aurora96@comcast.net — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 00:06:58 GMT

Some of the most common questions I've been asked since Sunday have been, "Do you miss your daughter?" and "How are you holding up with your daughter away?" (Some people who want to elicit certain reactions will add, "... with your daughter away under the care of complete strangers?" or something similar. All I can say about that is WTF??? I sent her to Girl Scout camp, for crying out loud. I didn't send her off to some child sweat shop to make clothing for Wal-Mart.)

Yes, I miss my child. She brings a certain joy and energy into my life each day and I do miss it when she's not around. I do miss the endless conversations about the Jonas Brothers and which song will be number one tonight on Radio Disney. I find it fun to talk to her about things she enjoys and we do share some interests (swimming, for example) that give us opportunities for some really amazing quality time together. Of course I miss her.

But am I sitting here pining, worrying and wondering what she's doing every minute? No. I have complete confidence in her own ability to dress herself and to eat when she's hungry. She makes friends quickly and I know she's not sitting in the corner of the camp waiting for someone to invite her to join in the games. I do hope she's remembering to put on sunscreen and that she's washing her hands after brushing those horses but I'm not losing sleep over it.

I am enjoying some alone time with my husband. We've gone to movies. We're getting ready to go to a dinner where I won't have to see to her food first. I've been leisurely getting myself ready in the morning and not running around naked trying to make her breakfast while figuring out what we're all wearing.

Sometimes you have to miss someone to appreciate them. Often times distance will give you the opportunity to take a step back and regain some perspective.

Yes, I miss her. But I'd like to think that this time apart is making me a better parent and a better partner. And she's having fun. Everybody wins.